I have noticed a trend when people discover I have all boys. People often tell me that boys are easy. They tell me how easy it is to raise boys in comparison to girls. Girls, they say, you have to teach so much nowadays and you don’t have to worry about all that with boys. The first time I heard this, I remember thinking, “if this is easy, I would hate to see what hard is.” However, time has gone by and I’ve come to realize what they actually mean by boys “being easy” and girls “being hard.” They don’t mean raising boys is easy; they mean raising girls is scary. Scarier than it is to raise boys.
I understand what they mean. I don’t have any girls, but I have nieces and, I can understand how parents must worry about what they will face in the world today. Chivalry seems all but dead and it seems the art of being a gentleman has basically been forgotten. Girls must worry about boys that are often overly aggressive and completely unaware of how to woo a girl. They don’t understand what a relationship is and are often just in it to get their “needs” met.
However, they are still making a false assumption when they talk about raising my boys as easy. They are assuming that I am raising my boys according to the standards of the world. The reason raising girls is so scary is because they are teaching them to protect themselves against the very culture that most of society is allowing to raise their boys. A culture that is based on relative truth and morality. A culture without limits or restraint. A culture that says to follow your every desire, because personal happiness is the only measure of a fulfilled life.
“For the time will come when people will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths.” 2 Timothy 4:3-4
The culture is all about acceptance instead of actual truth. In fact, our culture is attempting to eliminate truth altogether in the names of Acceptance and Tolerance. If people can’t be wrong, then we have no reason to expect them to change. It forces us to accept and tolerate everybody no matter what they are doing. We can’t point people to a better life because there is no such thing as a better life. We can’t hold people to a standard of right and wrong because the culture tells us it is only our standard and no real standard exists. In an attempt to avoid any kind of conflict between people, we have created a culture in which we say that everything is to be tolerated, well, except the truth of course. The problem is conflict is important and at times quite necessary. Confrontation often causes us to really think about things, including ourselves and the types of people we want to become.
I want to be clear that I am not speaking of a “rape” culture. I don’t believe we are currently in a rape culture and I most certainly don’t think that all males should be looked at as potential or future rapists. However, the fact is this society doesn’t teach self-respect much less respect for others. Sexuality is flaunted, sex isn’t sacred and gender is apparently up for debate. Is it really any wonder that boys just consider relationships as nothing more than a means to an end. They get what they want and leave the girl to deal with any consequences that may result.
“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” Romans 12:2
You see I am not satisfied with allowing the culture to raise my boys. I am not ok with my boys being like all the other boys in the world. And I am certainly not ok with my boys growing up never really knowing what a man is or what is expected of them. I won’t be a bystander, I won’t be passive and I refuse to be anything but the primary influencer in their lives. I won’t step aside or sit on the sidelines while tv, music and the culture at large lie to my children by telling them that everything is relative and nothing can be absolute, including their own self-worth. I will teach them who they are in God’s eyes. They are God’s perfect creation, created in His image. I will teach them the difference between right and wrong not based on some twisted relative scale but based on the absolute morality that comes from the very character of God the Father. I will teach them to be strong and courageous in their efforts as men. I will teach them of their position of influence and that they aren’t to use it for their glory but for the glory of God. I will teach them their strength is not meant to overpower but rather to protect and provide for their families. And they will know, whenever possible, they should protect and provide for those that can’t do it for themselves. I will raise them to read and know the word of God, to seek His counsel, and live a life that serves Him well. I will teach them to be men of honor, integrity and most importantly men of action. Because none of these teachings mean anything if they don’t act on what they have been taught.
“But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.” James 1:22
“So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.” James 4:17
I’m not saying this will be easy, in fact, I expect it to be quite hard. A plan is important, but often the planning is the easiest part of the process. Acting on the plan is the hardest part. After all, I am admittedly going against the world in how I am deciding to raise my children. How could I expect anything but challenges ahead. I know it will require massive amounts of love, patience and grace. I will have to be courageous in making decisions that I know will be laughed and scoffed at by many people in the world. It will require that I am constantly getting into the Bible and on my knees in prayer. I will have to be ever vigilant in looking over and protecting my boys from attacks both spiritual and physical. I know it won’t be easy, but I also know the end result of having strong, Godly men that are prepared to face life and the world on their own will be worth it.
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go” Joshua 1:9
I don’t want to be a good father. I don’t want to be a great father; I want something more. I want a higher goal because my children deserve the absolute best that I can provide. The only standard of fatherhood I will be satisfied with is the standard set by God. A standard that demands I take an active role and set a strong example for my kids. A standard that requires me to be both thoughtful and intentional in my approach in raising my boys into strong Godly men.
“Be on the alert, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong” 1 Corinthians 16:13
Please, don’t misunderstand me. I’m not trying to take anything away from parenting girls. I’m not trying to say it is easy or easier than raising boys. I’m not trying to detract from the fear the parents have of sending their daughters out into the world and the dangers they will face. I’m simply saying if, we as a society were to actually raise our boys and teach them how to be men, we would have a lot less to worry about concerning our daughters. We will have taught our boys to cherish and protect the girls just as we do. What I am actually trying to say is that raising children is difficult regardless if they are boys or girls. Although, when we eliminate God from the picture and begin to deal with relatives; we make a hard job, impossible.
It is time, parents, that we abandon the nonsense the world is attempting to feed us and return to the Bible as our guideline. It is time we seek truth instead of acceptance. It is time we start sending our children out into the world with the tools they need to survive this world without our assistance and oversight. It time that we step up prepared to fight a war against the culture that would attempt to steal our child’s innocence and self-worth away from them. It is time we teach our boys how to be men of God and our girls how to be women of God. It won’t be easy for any of us, but God will give us the grace, strength and courage needed for the battle ahead.
“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6
What lessons do you think it is important to teach our boys and girls?
What lessons do you wish you had been taught as a child?
What do you think is more important in life? Truth as a foundation or acceptance to avoid conflict?
How can I be praying for you and your family?
