Dear God,
I’ve been lost in the darkness, and blinded by light;
I’ve stood in your presence, but now you’re no where in sight;
You gave me the strength of thousands, but now I’m losing the fight;
I thought I was winning, I thought I was running your race;
Now I’m so broken, all that I see is disgrace;
I’m tired and weary, can’t keep up this pace;
I listen at night, hoping to hear you call out;
But all I hear is nothing…just nothing, not even a sound;
I hide all the tears, but I’m screaming in pain;
Like a baby at midnight, crying Mommy’s name;
I thought you would be here, to carry me through;
I know that You love me, just wish I felt it too!
To my boys: Cash, Raylan and Carsten,
Sons, I want to talk to you about something that you will struggle with as you live out your life. I know it is a struggle that you will face because it is a struggle that everyone faces. I actually included the poem above not because it is especially good or my best writing, but rather because it is a very real and honest look into a moment where I was struggling with what I want to talk to you about. I know by the time you read this you will have no doubt heard this many times before, but life is hard. Life is hard for everyone and being a Christian doesn’t mean that you get an easy pass. In fact, Jesus told us that we would struggle. (John 16:33) He even told us that we would be persecuted because of our love and faith in Jesus Christ. (Matthew 10:22) Actually if you chose to follow Christ because you wanted a perfect life I would strongly suggest that you reevaluate your choices. We don’t follow Christ because He says we won’t struggle; we follow Christ because He is The Son of God, The True King, and The Savior for all mankind. We find strength and hope in the fact that He has overcome the world. He faced temptation, struggles and persecution on a scale that we never will and yet He still led a perfect life. He was crucified on our behalf, buried in a tomb and yet He lives. That is why we choose to follow Christ. However, that isn’t how we act in our daily lives.
You see Jesus flat out told us that we would face struggles, but we still spend all of our time trying to hide them. God told us that He would use our weakness to show his strength and yet we take great measures to ensure that nobody ever knows we have any weaknesses. This mentality has caused the everyday struggles of not only Christians, but people in general to become a conflict faced in complete solitude, which only adds to the feelings of helplessness. As you make your way in this world and life starts to knock you down there will be times when you start to question your faith. The secrecy of the majority will make you feel ashamed by your doubts. I am telling you now that we all struggle at times. I have had moments where I battled with my faith, your mom has struggled with hers and I don’t know your pastor, but I can guarantee you there has been a point that he had some disbelief too. It is not a sign of weakness, but rather it is a symptom of life in a broken world. I know that when you are in this place it will be very hard for you to be open and honest with anyone about it. So I am going to try my best to tell you what to do when life causes you to doubt or even lose your faith.
First, you need to look at where you are with your relationship with God. Don’t worry about the problems that you are facing just yet; instead focus solely on how close you have been to God recently. This may seem a little odd since you are currently struggling with your faith, but take a look back on the last few months. Have you been: going to church? Reading the Bible? Spending time in God’s presence? You will probably find that you have been: neglecting church, ignoring scripture and avoiding any real interaction with God. The reason I know this is because when we are actively seeking God in our daily lives it is much harder for us to be pulled away from Him. We are clothed in the Armor of God and the attacks of Satan can’t pierce the armor of our Heavenly Father. You need to be open and honest with yourself about your interactions with God. You don’t have to admit it to anyone other than God and yourself, but you need to recognize where you have been so you can begin to take steps to remedy this issue.
Now that you have realized that it was you that walked away from God and not the other way around you can start to take account of your struggles. Is it one big thing that has just left you breathless and without hope or has it been several things piled up all together? I want you to ask yourself “Are these problems coming from God or are these just the struggles of life?” While you ponder that; consider this. God only wants the best for his children just as I have always wanted the best for you. So if you are now feeling depressed, ashamed, hopeless or helpless you can rest assured that these things did not come from God. If your struggles are causing you to feel weak and fearful these are not fruits of the spirit and therefore it is not of God. Jesus gave His life to save you and give you the opportunity to come to Him and have a relationship with Him; if your circumstances are causing you to consider running away from Him than you can guarantee they are not from Jesus Christ.
The next step and this is very important. You are going to be tempted to ignore this one and tell yourself that you are fine, but please pay attention. You need to realize that there is nothing shameful about your struggle, absolutely nothing for you to be embarrassed about. I have been where you are many times before. You are not the first person to doubt your beliefs and you won’t be the last. The Bible tells us: “Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” (1 Peter 5:8) You are being attacked by an enemy that is greater than you, but he is not greater than your King. He has been stalking you from a distance and when you were at your weakest He pounced. He has done everything he can to attack your faith and your beliefs so that you won’t call on Jesus’ name. So you won’t go to the One that can and will fight this enemy for you. You are not being attacked because of your failure or your weakness. Actually, your weaknesses and past failures are being attacked because you have already achieved victory through Jesus Christ.
Son, I love you and I will always be here to help you. Please call me and tell me what you are dealing with. If I could I would take this struggle from you and fight it myself, but that is not for me to do. However if you call me I will be right there with you. I will do everything I can to help you win this battle. I will pray for you and with you. I will give you words of strength, encouragement and hope. I told you before that I struggled with this too, when I did I needed help as well. I would call people that I knew and trusted and they would help me fight. Son please let me lead you out of the darkness. Let me be there for you like so many were there for me. I will walk beside you and we can both kneel before our Savior together and petition Him for help. If you can’t find it in yourself to come to me then please call somebody that you trust to lead you down a Godly path: your pastor, a mentor, your mother…somebody that will offer you Godly counsel.
Please get back into the word of God. Pray for God to give you strength and courage. Ask God to silence the lies of Satan and protect you from his attacks. Stand strong and courageous for you are a child of the King. Don’t hang your head in shame instead look to the sky and praise God for all that He has given you. Your faith has been shaken but it hasn’t been broken. You have stumbled, but God won’t let you fall. “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10)
I have one last thing that I would like to ask of you. Do not hide your weakness. Do not try to act like you never struggled and that everything is ok. There are people around you every single day that are struggling and are looking for hope and courage. They are silent about it because the world has convinced them that they shouldn’t speak of it. Be strong and courageous, by being honest about your struggles. Let them see your weakness so you can be their strength, and please through it all make sure you are always pointing them to Jesus Christ.
Love,
Dad
Stay Strong,
Stay in Scripture,
Stand by Your Savior.
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” -John 16:33
“You are from God, little children, and have overcome them; because greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world.” -1 John 4:4
