I have been playing poker with friends since I was 18 and soon found that it was tailored towards some of my natural strengths: Patience, observation, deduction, and logical reasoning. Trying to better learn the game, I started to read books and watch professionals play on TV. I was able to learn it well enough to dominate the games I played with my friends, but never actually tried it in a tougher setting. However, as I have grown into a responsible adult I have learned that I am sometimes able to use the things that I learned at the poker table in everyday situations.
Don’t Let the Chips Distract you
Poker is a game that is built around gambling money; essentially money is how you keep score. Typically, when you sit down at a poker game you exchange money to get chips and when the game is over get money based on the amount of chips you have. Have you ever wondered why they use chips instead of cash at poker games? Chips were originally introduced because they were more durable than money and much safer to use. If you are at a poker table and you rob all the players of their chips, the saloon isn’t going to pay out. However, players and casinos have a secondary motive for using chips instead of money. Chips separate you from your money. It is a lot easier to bet ten blue chips then it is to bet $10,000 in cash. The chips are there to increase the betting action. In fact, if you ever watch pros play in a “cash game” you will notice that whenever they are trying to intimidate their opponents they will bet with stacks of $100 bills instead of actual poker chips. Actual money holds more value than a poker chip, so they give chips to distract you from how much money you are actually betting and possibly losing.
Do you know how we are separated from our money in our day to day lives? Plastic Cards! It is so much easier to go on a spending spree when all you have to do is swipe a card then when you actually have to hand over cash. Maybe I am the only one, but I will swipe my card without much thought but if I am paying with paper money I start to think about how many hours of work it took to reach that amount. The stores know customers will spend more money with a card, which is why they all have their own credit cards. If you are looking at a big ticket item and you can’t afford it right now, the sales people will more than likely jump on the chance to offer you the store card. I’m not a financial advisor and I’m not going to tell you to destroy all of your cards like Dave Ramsey does. However, I will say, don’t let yourself be deceived. The stores and the credit card companies don’t care if you get to take a nice vacation, retire early, or buy your dream house. They just want to make as much money as they can. They want you to think of it as a card and not as actual money. Stay focused, don’t get distracted.
Don’t Be Intimidated by the Size of Someone’s Stack
Great poker players know how to intimidate weaker players. One of the easiest ways to do it is simply with the size of your chip stack. If I have 500 chips and you only have 50 I am going to make sure to put my chips on full display for you as we play. I want you to know that I am in control and that I can force you all-in whenever I choose. As you stress and over think every move trying to play smart, I want you to know that I’m not worried because even if you double your money I’m still better off than you. This is how poker sharks swallow the guppies at the table. Intimidation is a great tool and is extremely effective, especially, against less experienced players. They make you second guess yourself; it eats away at your confidence and throws you off your game until you throw your money away.
As you walk through life, you are going to come across people who try and flaunt their status in your face. They are going to try and act like they are better than you because they have more than you; like they are smarter just because they make more money. Some people, for reasons that I don’t understand, seem to feel stronger by making others look and feel weaker. Don’t give these people the satisfaction of second guessing yourself. You have talents, skills and intelligence and there is no reason for you to doubt yourself. In fact, you more than likely have skills and talents that they don’t have and know things they don’t. These people will rip you apart and leave you crumbled and broken if you let them; don’t. Don’t give them that kind of power. You are far too important and talented to let anybody bring you down like that. Don’t lose sight of who you are and the goals that you have set for yourself. Don’t change yourself so they will like you and don’t give up on your dreams just because they don’t approve of them.
Don’t Chase Good Money After Bad
This piece of poker wisdom is meant to fight the natural tendency that people have to try and bet their way out of a bad situation. Some players will attempt to bluff at a pot and even when it is clear that the bluff isn’t working they continue to bet; hoping they are somehow going to get the money back that they put in the pot. When you are sitting at a poker table you have to keep in mind that once you make a bet, that money isn’t yours anymore; that money now belongs to the pot. The only money that is actually yours are the chips that are sitting in front of you that you have not bet yet. So your job is to protect your money while trying to win the pot, which means that you don’t carelessly throw your money at the pot in vain attempts to get lucky. If you know you can’t win, fold the hand and save the money you have left regardless of how much you have put in the pot.
This is a lesson that I have applied to several areas of my life. If I find that I am just throwing money at something hoping that it will all work out, I have to back away and reassess things and decide if I’m throwing money at a lost cause. Sometimes it is has nothing to do with money but just my time. It may be a hobby that I think will be a lot of fun; only to find that the more time I put into it, the less enjoyment I am getting. Perhaps I am putting a lot of time into a person hoping that I can help them with a situation only to realize they keep making the same bad choices. I need to stop chasing after them because, in this case, not only am I wasting my time, but I am more than likely enabling them to make more mistakes. It may sound mean, but sometimes the nicest thing you can do is just walk away and let them help themselves. The last one is collections that I am building as an investment. Sometimes you just have to read the writing on the wall and realize that you are building a collection of stuff that will never be worth any money. Just ask the people that were going to be millionaires when they sold their beanie baby collection. Just a tip: if it says collectible on the packaging then it isn’t really all that collectible. Everyone is going to keep it in the packaging, which means they won’t ever be worth that much.
Focus on Playing the Game Right, Don’t Worry about the End Results
When you are playing poker, or any card game for that matter, there is always the chance that the cards just aren’t going to fall your way. I have been playing in a hand before and on a rainbow flop, meaning all the cards were different suits, I landed the best possible straight that ran from the 10 to the Ace. So naturally I bet a lot of money. I had the best possible hand in that moment and so I wanted to win as much as I could. The turn came out and it was a 2 of clubs which was no threat to me so I bet enough to force my opponent all in and was surprised, when he called. The river came out and it was another club and almost immediately I realized what happened. He had called me initially with 2 pair, Aces and Jacks, which is actually what I wanted him to have. I wanted him to have a good hand that he would call so I could win more money. However, both of his cards were clubs and he now had a flush that beat my straight. I hadn’t done anything wrong. When I bet my money, I was actually winning the hand. I had played the hand 100% correctly and, yet, I still lost money. Some players will have this happen and they do what is called “going on tilt,” which means that they get off their game and start making stupid plays because they are mad. Even the best poker player can get upset and go on tilt if they don’t stay focused. Poker is a game of skill but there is still some chance involved; so, sometimes the cards won’t go your way. The job of a poker player is to make the right plays at the right times using their knowledge of the game and understanding of the situation. You will still lose some hands when you made all the right moves, but you have to know and understand in the long run, you will win more than you lose by making the right choices.
The same is true for life. Sometimes doing the right thing may cost you something. There are times when doing the right thing will actually make your life harder. However, if you stick to always doing the right thing, you will gain far more than what you lose over the course of your life, maybe not in material things, but almost certainly in the quality of life. Take honesty for example. You may come across a situation where being honest will mean admitting that you messed up and lying will seem like the easier solution. I was in a situation like this when I messed up at work. My boss’ boss asked me what happened. I could have come up with some crazy explanation and he probably would have let it slide, but instead I was honest and told him that I had simply messed up and apologized for my oversight. I didn’t know what was going to happen; the consequences could have been anything from, “don’t do that again” to possibly getting fired. However, what actually ended up happening is he thanked me for the honesty, telling me he doesn’t see it very often in this situation, and he learned he could trust me. That day being honest meant that I had to fix the problem, which took a lot of time and effort, but since, it has made my job much easier since my boss knows he can trust me to give him an honest answer, regardless of how that answer affects me.
You Learn More from the Subtle Moves than the Grand Gestures
Being successful at poker has a lot to do with being able to read the situation and the players that are at the table with you. You look for signs about the hand they are holding. Are they nervous, excited, happy or sad? Did they bet that money confidently because they have pocket aces or was their hand shaking because they have 2-7? Great poker players notice everything; even the way the chips are pushed into the pot will tell them something. A nervous person tends to pick the chips back up when the stacks falls over, while the confident player just lets them fall. That was something that I actually learned from “Doyle Brunson’s Super System,” a book that is considered quintessential reading for any serious poker player. I would have never thought about that, but he does, which is why he is one of the top players of all time. When players sit down at a table, they are putting on a persona of confidence. They are going to do everything they can to appear confident at all times, even if that means wearing sunglasses in a dimly lit room so you can’t see their eyes. So you can’t look at the grand gestures they want you to see. You have to look at the subtle movements that maybe they don’t even realize they are doing. Maybe they keep looking at their hole cards because they can’t remember them, which means they probably don’t have face cards or they could be checking for a flush. Maybe they are tapping their fingers impatiently because they know they won and they just want you to call so they can take it down (take the pot). It could be a lot of different things and in fact it often is more than one thing that gives you the answer you are looking for, but the point is if you just look at their smug grin you will think they have it 100% of the time, so look for the little things.
Honestly, if you want to know much of anything about anybody you have to look at the little moments. What they are doing when everybody is looking isn’t necessarily their true character; it could just as easily be a show they put on to get people to think of them a certain way. What are they doing when nobody is looking? What do they do when they will get absolutely no benefit from doing the right thing? If somebody is a good person, they will be a good person no matter who is going to see it. If somebody loves you then they will show you that they love you even in the smallest things. I personally believe that in a relationship the big grand gestures are great and normally form great memories, but all those little moments are what actually matters. Without those little moments the memories don’t matter all that much. I have great memories of my grandpa: going to Cardinals games, Christmas, hayrides, dairy queen and the chocolate factory to name a few. I smile whenever I think about him, but if all the times in between those memories were filled with apathy and neglect, even fun memories would turn into very painful ones. I don’t remember every time my Grandpa told me that he loved me, but the fact that he showed me all the time makes the memories I have of him some of the fondest memories I have as a child.
Sometimes a Royal Flush Isn’t Even Possible…
It is the rarest hand in poker and most players will play thousands of hands before ever having one. Some players may never actually have it. Sometimes the cards that are dealt just don’t make a royal flush possible. So you need to be looking for what the best possible hand is in that moment. Sometimes the cards that come out don’t allow for a flush or a straight. So you don’t need to be worried about a hand that can’t happen. I’ve seen hands where a full house was the best hand or maybe a low straight. The players holding those hands were able to bet high with no risk, but if they were betting still believing somebody might have a royal flush they wouldn’t have won near the amount of money that they could have.
Sometimes, actually most of the time, society keeps us focused on what we could have instead of what we do have. We spend so much time wishing we had that car or that house or that job, we miss the blessings in our own life. We spend our lives wishing we had a Ferrari and miss the Rolls Royce in our driveway. We tend to wish we had talents and lifestyles that simply weren’t meant for us and completely miss the treasures our talents can unlock for us. Likewise, we tend to always want to be the best at everything. However, sometimes we don’t need to be the best; we just need to be good at what we do. If Scottie Pippen had spent all of his time trying to be the best player on the Chicago Bulls, it is doubtful that he would have stayed on that team very long and would have missed out on being involved in one of the most legendary teams in NBA history. He may or may not have been remembered as an all time great, but he certainly would not have had the championship rings to go with that claim. If you spend your whole life looking to be the best, you are going to miss out on a lot of great opportunities.
…And Sometimes It Isn’t even the Best Hand
Ok so this probably seems like it goes completely against the rules of poker and to some extent it does. After all, unless you have wild cards in the game, a royal flush is the absolute best hand you can have, and serious poker players don’t play with wild cards. Poker is all about winning money. You want to win the most money in every hand that you play. The problem with a royal flush is that everybody is looking for it and everyone will notice when the possibility is out there. Every time I have seen somebody have a royal flush, they had a hard time getting people to call them. In fact, most ended up showing the royal flush after everyone folded, because everyone at the table was so worried about the royal flush. Sure you have the benefit of knowing you will win the hand, but it doesn’t matter much when there isn’t anyone betting.
I know it is great to have a sure thing, but sometimes we spend too much times waiting on a sure thing and forget to take some risks. Playing it safe is fine, but often in life you will find that the greatest rewards only come after you take some risks. The sure thing may seem great since it is a guaranteed win, but it is rarely all that satisfying. The thrill of victory is created by the threat of defeat. In possibly the most obvious example, you could spend your whole playing it safe and refuse to ever get close enough to anyone to ever fall in love. You won’t have to get hurt or heartbroken or deal with the feelings that comes from a devastating break-up, but you won’t ever find love either. You won’t ever have anyone that will be there for you no matter what happens or somebody that will stand next to you even in the darkest storm. Sticking with the sure thing, you won’t lose anything, but you won’t have the chance to win anything either.
It Wasn’t Just Bad Cards, You Just Didn’t Play Well
At first glance this may seem like a contradiction; after all, not that long ago I wrote that sometimes you won’t get the cards. You will play everything right and you will still lose money. Here’s the thing, the cards do play a role in poker and sometimes you will just get bad cards. You may lose a hand to bad cards; you may even have a bad night just because of the cards you were dealt. However, if you are losing consistently it is time to wake up and face reality. You just don’t know how to play poker. At least not as well as you thought you did. Poker is a game of skill. You are reading other players and calculating odds. Most professional poker players will tell you that cards are secondary to skill when it comes to poker. There is a reason that some people can make a consistent living at it and others can’t. It isn’t luck; they just understand and play the game better than most.
I understand that sometimes things will go wrong and there was really nothing that you could have done about it. Sometimes somebody else will mess you up and put you in a bad position. Those are just the “bad cards” of life. Learn from the situation and move on, but if you are dealing with disaster after disaster, if things just don’t ever seem to go right for you, or if your friends are always messing you up, it’s time to open your eyes. If things are always wrong for you then it’s time to step up, take responsibility and do something about it. I’m sorry to tell you but things just don’t go wrong for somebody all the time by pure happenstance. You need to take responsibility and realize that maybe you need to be doing something different in your life. Sometimes improving your life is just a matter of stopping the pity party and actually looking for things to improve. Trust me I know. I have been in situations where I thought the world hated me and nothing would go right for me. Eventually, I had to step up and realize that if I wanted something to change I had to do something about it. Amazingly enough, as my attitude started to change my life started to change for the better. People today love to place the blame on anything and everything as long as it isn’t themselves. The truth is sometimes the blame does belong elsewhere, but chances are, it still going to be up to you to step up and do something about it. If you don’t want it to come across as just plain good luck when you win then it can’t always be bad luck when you lose either.
I hope you were able to find something here that you will be able to use in your day to day life, or at least something that reaffirmed what you are already doing. Life can be tough and sometimes it can be hard to find the right way to do things. Maybe you have some hobbies that have helped you in tough situations. I would love to hear about them in the comments.
Disclaimer: Do not take these tips to the casino. I was only trying to help you with life; not poker. There is a lot more to know if you want to be successful at the tables.
