10 Ways Social Networks are Ruining Your Life!!!

Let me begin this by telling you that this whole list is just my opinion and in no particular order. I haven’t actually done any research; these are just things that annoy me and make me question the world’s sanity from time to time. You may have a completely different list and you may completely disagree with everything that I write here. That’s fine and I would actually love to hear your opinion. Here are the top 10 ways social networking sites are ruining our lives.

We don’t enjoy vacations; we just take pictures of new scenery for Facebook.

I know when we go on vacations, we all want to take pictures and show them off to our friends. After all, part of the fun of going on a vacation is seeing the jealous looks of your friends and co-workers when you tell them how much fun you had. However, when I see people posting picture after picture while they are on vacation, I have to wonder if they are actually having a good time. It seems they are spending so much time taking pictures and posting them that they don’t have all that much time to actually enjoy the moment. I feel as though there is a check list of photos that have to be included on each vacation and I think I missed the memo. The check list includes the room, the weather, the landscape, family having fun, family resting, tourist attractions, out to eat, the departure, and don’t forget the selfie or I might not believe that you were actually there. That seems like too much work; I took a vacation from work to forget about all of the to-do lists for awhile. I went out of town to get away from everything and everybody and here I am posting pictures so that all those people will know what I’m doing. I prefer the old way of doing things. You go on vacation, take some pictures, have a good time and when you get home you just tell everybody what happened. Then, in a week or so, when the pictures were developed you get to make them jealous all over again by showing them how beautiful the beach actually was, or if the pictures came out bad just throw them away and tell them a couple more stories.

I know that everybody enjoys vacations their own way and, as my wife is quick to point out, it only takes a few seconds to post something to a site. However, for me, I would rather just be on vacation. I don’t need Facebook or Instagram to have a good time and I don’t need everybody knowing what I am doing while I am at the beach. I just want to have fun and relax.

 

We don’t enjoy kids; we just post every moment to Facebook.

This one is along the same lines except it deals more with the day to day moments with our children. I know that it is nice to share certain moments with loved ones and sometimes the easiest way to do that is to put it on Facebook to let the grandparents and everybody see. I get it. Although, it does seem like every little thing is put on Facebook. If it is remotely cute or funny we have to post it. For me, only a very small percentage of the moments that I want to remember get posted. Why? I want to be in the moment enjoying it, not scrambling to get my phone or asking my kid to “do it one more time” so I can get the picture. Most of the moments in my kids’ life I consider special moments are “my” moments. I was there and I got to experience it, but it isn’t for the world. It was just for me, the father. I don’t want my kids to constantly look up and see a phone or camera shoved in their faces. I want my kids to see me smiling and hear me cheering them on. I want them to look back and know that their life wasn’t just another part of my struggle for popularity. It was time that I held dearly, so much in fact,  that I didn’t want to share it with the world.

I don’t mean to say that taking pictures of your kids is wrong. I just think about my childhood; the cameras only came out on special occasions: holidays, birthdays, family get-togethers, maybe a sporting event. Cameras came out to capture the moment and then we spent time with each other. Now, it seems like we spend time together or go places just for the photo-op. Parents want to post pictures of their kids constantly and kids are getting used to a world where cameras are constantly being used. I’m just wondering what kind of behavior they are learning. As a parent, I wouldn’t want my kids to post pictures of themselves all the time as teenagers, but yet that is the habit that we are teaching them. I question what kinds of memories are being made when you are constantly posing for the paparazzi.

We don’t actually socialize in person anymore

Ok this one is pretty obvious. We have all seen it and are likely guilty of it. You go out to eat with friends, family, or a date and instead of actually talking, we pull out our phones and start to see what everyone else is up to. It isn’t just at restaurants though, you see it everywhere: the park, universities, break rooms, waiting rooms, and lobbies, pretty much if you see people, you will more than likely find somebody that has his phone out ignoring everyone around him. I’ve heard people say that it is hard to find friends nowadays. Step 1, put the phone down and actually talk to the people around you.

 

No Social Etiquette.

People like to say this is a problem of the younger generation but the fact is kids aren’t learning it and adults seem to be forgetting it. We all spend so much time on social network sites that we are becoming completely inept in social situations.  I remember as a kid there were things you would say with your friends that you wouldn’t say in front of your parents. Now, there are things that you might do online that you shouldn’t do in person. Online, if somebody is typing a reply and you think of something else you can type out your message and send it before reading and replying to what they had to say; however, in person it is rude for you to speak over me and then completely ignore what I had to say. If you want to say “LOL” in a conversation with your friends that’s fine, weird, but fine. However, if you are at a job interview and you say “IMO” instead of “in my opinion, I’m guessing they won’t hire you. Sometimes we are just so sucked into the social network world that we forget that there are actual people around us. One instance I saw was in the check-out line at a store. The lady behind me was stuck on her phone looking at some social network site. A family came up behind her with their son who had a disability. The boy was moving around and lightly bumped against the lady. Instead of reacting in a polite manner that recognized the child’s disability, she became noticeably upset, remarking “excuse me” in a loud and rude tone and then looked back at the parents with a disgusted look and a sigh of disbelief before returning to her phone. The parents quickly grabbed the child and pulled him back and looked embarrassed, but in reality they had absolutely no need to be. If the lady hadn’t been so sucked into her phone she surely would have noticed the child’s disability and been understanding of his accidental nudge. She may normally be polite and show a great amount of decorum but, in this moment, her phone and that social network caused her to be completely insensitive to the people around her, and my heart broke for that family.

 

Cyber Bullying

Here is another one that goes without saying. This one has been all over the news and people seem to talk about it all the time. A lot of things have been done in an attempt to control it especially in school settings but the reality is Cyber Bullying isn’t going anywhere. I am not going to spend any time on kids saying mean things to kids and the depression and suicides that have resulted from it, because quite frankly I wouldn’t be saying anything that hasn’t been said before. I do want to talk about parents publicly shaming their kids. I know most people don’t see this is cyber bullying and some people actually consider it good parenting but I strongly disagree. They are actually doing the same exact thing that the bullies at school are doing to their victims. The parents are using social network sites to show as many people as possible how “horrible” their kids are. Humiliation and degradation are not tools that should be used to correct anybody much less a child. If a boss publicly announced that an employee was an idiot who never got their paperwork done on time and they were being written up, do you think that would go over well? I bet not, in fact, I bet people would consider him a horrible boss. Well, if parents are publicly humiliating their kids, I am here to tell them, in that moment they are bad parents. They are teaching their kids that humiliation is a useful tactic in getting the behavior they want. What is to keep the child from humiliating their friends to get them to go along with something, sons from humiliating a girl to get sex, daughters degrading a friend to try drugs, or growing up using humiliation to manipulate the people around them? Just like a boss, a parent should praise publicly and correct privately. When I see post like this, I feel hurt and embarrassed for the child. I can’t help but think about the feelings that the child must be going through. The parent is doing it as a punishment in the moment, but this shame will haunt this child for years, possibly even affecting their confidence as an adult.

 

The Stupid, The Hateful, The Offended

Just the other day I was scrolling through Facebook while my kids were getting ready to go to bed and after about 10 minutes, I started to have an anxiety attack. There was just so much hatred and ignorance being posted that I seriously couldn’t handle it. I’ve heard people talk about how people are more stupid now and how we are the society of overly sensitive and easily offended. I’m not sure that we are actually easier to offend or that people are any more ignorant than we were before. It’s just, now people have a forum to put everything out into the world. 25 years ago if you were watching the news at night and some story caught your attention, you had to either call somebody up at 9:30 pm (which people actually considered rude) or you had to wait until you got to work the next day to talk about it. By the time you went to bed and got to work the story didn’t seem all that important so you never actually mentioned it. However, now we can immediately post our thoughts and find other like minded people. Instead of letting the story die, we keep it going on social network for days if not weeks. “Offensive” stories are now impossible to ignore; they are put in your face every day all day. Some people say, “If you see something that offends you just keep scrolling.” That seems like great advice, but when you are being bombarded, it gets harder and harder to bite your tongue. Eventually, you feel like you have to speak your thoughts, if for no other reason, just to defend your own sanity. You used to be faced with the news a few times a day: the morning news, the afternoon news, the nightly news and maybe the paper. That was it. You could always choose to not look at them or at least limit your exposure to the stories. However now, not only is it posted all over everything but I have to hear every single person’s opinion on it regardless if he has actually taken the time to educate himself on the topic or not.

 

Highlight Reels/Facebook Stalking

Do you have a friend on Facebook that seems to have the perfect house, the best car, they take perfect vacations, and their family is just the most loving family in the world? Guess what, we all have that friend. Actually, I have a few of them. The problem isn’t that we have those friends; the problem is we look at these pictures and a sense of jealousy starts to fester inside of us. We start to think they have the perfect life and we look at our lives and they don’t even compare. We start to think we are failures since we don’t have the things that they have. However, we aren’t actually seeing their whole lives. We are seeing the pictures they are posting for everybody to see. They aren’t posting the pictures of the hard times. They only post the happy moments, “the highlight reel.” We are judging their lives based on the best moments and comparing ours looking at all of the day to day hardships. Their life probably isn’t as perfect as it seems, but yet the pictures they are posting to celebrate the good times are causing us to be envious of their life and resent our own.

Momentary Lapse of Reason is now on blast to the world

We all do, say and think stupid things from time to time: maybe you go out and have too much to drink; perhaps you have an exceptionally bitter break-up, or suppose you get really upset about something and say something that is completely out of character for you. It used to be when something like this happened the only people who were likely to know about it were your close friends. It might have been a little embarrassing but they were your friends. You knew their embarrassing moments they knew yours, no big deal. However, now those drunken nights are online, that break-up is blasted all over news feeds, and that out of character statement — everybody knows about it. People have even been fired because something happened at work and before they thought it through they were online posting it. Co-workers saw it, the boss found out and before you know it they were out of a job. Some people are turned down for jobs based on the things employers find on their Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram accounts. Maybe as a teenager you post stupid things online because you think it is cool and funny, but as time goes on, you mature and your attitude changes. Sorry, too late, you already posted it and it is there for everybody to see.

 

Co-Dependent Self-Worth

I don’t know how many people actually do this but I know that I am guilty of it. I post something on Facebook that I am proud of, but it gets ignored and all of a sudden I start to question how proud of it I should actually be. It is kind of like when you tell a joke in a crowded room and nobody laughs; you suddenly realize you aren’t that funny. It’s not a great feeling. Somehow my experiences, my talents, and my successes are cheapened because I didn’t get enough likes and comments on Facebook. It is most certainly nice to get support from friends, but now it seems as though my self image is completely dependent on a stupid thumbs up button. I have over 100 friends on Facebook so certainly the news about my promotion will at least get 60 or 70 likes, right? Well, the problem is most of those “friends” are people I barely even know. I know them but we just aren’t that close. Before social network if I had good news I called family and close friends, the people that are going to be supportive and happy for me. Now, I am putting it out there and expecting random acquaintances to show me support. It would be fine if I was just being hopeful, but it is a problem when I let it affect my self-worth.

 

You Probably Don’t Want to Know Everything About Your Friends and Family

This is simply a case of too much information. It might be someone that you hang out with occasionally or maybe it is somebody in your family. Either way, I can pretty much guarantee that you don’t want to know everything that they think about. You may have younger family members on your social network and now you get to see all about their party lifestyle. You get to see the inappropriate things that they choose to post and grimace at the choices they are making. You could always unfollow them, but you feel guilty about doing that to family. Besides, maybe they will see the great wisdom that you post and change their ways. You might have some friends that have crazy ideas and very strong opinions about every topic. Perhaps they just haven’t really grown up and they are still posting a lot of inappropriate things you now have to suffer through every single day. Sure! You could unfollow these people too, and they aren’t family so it would be guilt free. Perhaps you are like me though; I apparently like to punish myself by refusing to unfollow or unfriend anybody as if I am going to somehow hurt their feelings and destroy their confidence by hitting that button.

So there you have it, you can call me old school, an old soul, out of touch or anything else you wish, but this is simply how I see things. I’m not saying it is right, but it is my opinion. Feel free to give me yours in the comments. Before I go let me just say I don’t hate social media. Well, maybe a little bit, but I don’t think it is an evil entity. I just think that it has invaded our lives more than it should have, and at the expense of many more important things. Yes, I do realize the irony that I am posting this on both Facebook and Twitter, but what can I say? “A bloggers got to do what a bloggers got to do.”