How do you respond when God calls you to do something? Do you act right away? Do you get excited about it? Do you start to wonder what wonderful things He will show and teach you as you follow His lead? I wish I could say that those things are true for me, but they aren’t. I tend to complain about all the reasons I can’t do it. I start to think and talk about past failures; both real and perceived. I drag my feet afraid to put myself out there for fear of the failure that has come before. Once I have convinced myself that I can’t do it; I find it much easier to persuade myself that it wasn’t really God at all. It’s important for me to point out here, I KNOW it was God speaking to me. I KNOW it was God who called me to action, but in my fear and anxiety, I am willing to make and accept any excuse that I can. I wish I could say I stand up and run towards the goal that God has placed before me, but unfortunately the pattern I have seen consistently in my life is one of worry and procrastination.
The irony behind all this is that I would say God can do all things. I believe God can make the impossible possible. I believe that if God has called me to do something He will not only see me through it, but He will give me the strength, wisdom and means to accomplish it. I believe that God knows what I am capable of even more so than I do. I believe God calls me out to succeed not fail. I believe God works all things for my good. I believe God has a plan for me and that it isn’t to harm me but to bless me. I believe all of that, yet I don’t act like it in those initial moments of hearing Him call me.
Is this really the man that I want to be? Is it really the example I want to set for my kids?
I suppose I can take comfort in the fact that even some of the leaders in the Bible had the same issue. Jonah tried to run away when God told him to go to Nineveh and warn them of God’s judgment. Then he went to the desert to pout when God told him the people had repented so He would spare them. Moses told God he wasn’t a good enough speaker to lead His people. Gideon not only asked God for proof that He was really wanting him to go war and would provide victory, but when God did exactly what Gideon asked Him to do for confirmation, Gideon then asked God to prove that the proof He gave was real. So at least I am in good company I suppose, but is this really the man that I want to be? Is it really the example I want to set for my kids?
She pointed out that if this is God’s plan…and God wants to bless His children then how could following His plan lead to disaster.
My church is currently doing Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University. This week my wife and I sat down together to watch the first video and discuss our first steps. I know that Ramsey’s money plan is based on Biblical truth. I know it has worked for him and millions of others. I honestly have no doubt of the validity of the program. However, as I sat there watching the video, I felt the anxiety building up in me. I want to fix our finances. I want to have an emergency fund and be debt free. I recognize that if I want to do this, I need to follow God’s plan to get it done, and as I previously stated I know that Ramsey is teaching me what God’s plan is. Yet, even with all this standing in the pro column, I can’t get over the fears that I will mess it up, we will find we don’t make enough, everything in our house will break as soon as we start and we will never be able to have any fun ever again, because we have to save every single penny to make it work. My wife pointed out that I was basically sabotaging the whole process by bringing in so much negativity. She pointed out that if this is God’s plan for our finances and God wants to bless His children then how could following His plan lead to disaster. I didn’t want to admit it when she said that, but she was right!
I trust Him enough to be hopeful it will all be OK, but not enough to follow Him into the wilderness without at least buying a compass first.
I’m still nervous about the whole thing. I’m still in more of a hopeful stage than I am a full on trusting stage, but at least I’m not in a running away stage. I’m hoping God will use this to improve our financial situation, but even more so I am hoping that God will use this to help me learn to trust Him even more. I trust Him enough to be hopeful it will all be OK, but not enough to follow Him into the wilderness without at least buying a compass first. Looking at the journey I have been on in the last few years, I have no doubt God is molding me so I will trust Him completely. God has been moving in my life in some big ways and helping me understand so many Biblical truths that sometimes I feel like it is information overload. I’m sure he has a reason for working in my life so much recently and a plan for what He is leading me towards. Again, if I trusted Him completely I would be excited for what the journey would bring, but instead I’m scared with a little sprinkle of wonder and curiosity.
At this point my fear is like the Olympic Dream team trembling in fear, because they had to play a middle school basketball team.
If we look in the Bible we will find over and over again that God promises to take care of us. He promises to provide and protect (Matthew 6:31-33 & 2 Thessalonians 3:3). He promises to never leave (Deuteronomy 31:6). He promises to bless us (2 Corinthians 9:8). He promises to give us a future and hope (Jeremiah 29:11). He promises to give us rest (Matthew 11:28-29). He tells us He wants us to live abundantly (John 10:10). He tells us we have overcome our enemy (1 John 4:4). He tells us He will make the impossible, possible (Matthew 19:26). He tells us that if we pray; He will answer (Jeremiah 33:3). He tells us that He is all powerful, all knowing, and in all places at one time (Job 37:23, Psalm 147:5 & Jeremiah 23:24). He tells us that if He is with us no weapons formed against will prosper (Isaiah 54:17). He even offers us a suit of divine armor that will protect us and allow us to fight our enemy (Ephesians 6:10-18). I have only listed some of what God tells us, but just reading that, I have to ask myself: What in the world am I so worried about? I mean if an all-powerful, all-knowing God is telling me to do something and He promises to look over me and provide for me then it really doesn’t sound like I can lose. At this point my fear is like the Olympic Dream team trembling in fear, because they had to play a middle school basketball team. If I saw them nervous, I would probably laugh at the ridiculousness. However, this is exactly what I do every single time God calls me out. I see an obstacle in front of me, turning each one into a Goliath, completely forgetting how insignificant they are compared to God, who is standing in front of me – fighting for me.
I am starting to understand that my worry is completely illogical and unreasonable in light of who God is.
I can’t tell you I have moved past this stage in my life. All that I can say is I am beginning to see how silly my lack of trust is. I am starting to understand that my worry is completely illogical and unreasonable in light of who God is. I mean after all when you have an omnipotent God fighting for you, even the strongest enemy doesn’t stand a chance. I can tell you that God has it under control, but I need to learn to apply that to every area of my life. How about you? Is that an area that you struggle with? Do you tremble at the thought of Him pulling you out your comfort zone? Do you fear failure even in the face of the assurances God has given you? What will you do if God calls you today? Will you get on a boat and flee like Jonah? It is an option, but given the story of Jonah, I don’t think you can say it is a good one. Will you be like Noah? Noah was told to build the ark, a boat of unimaginable size, given the seemingly impossible task of gathering two of every animal and all this for a flood of unimaginable proportions. After being told what he needed to do and what would come, the scriptures tell us that, “Noah did everything just as God commanded him” (Genesis 6:22). I would much rather be like Noah. I don’t want to sit trembling in fear when God calls me. I don’t want to spend any time in the belly of a giant fish so God can remind me of who He is. I would rather jump up the first time and do what He called me to do with joy, excited to see what God will bring out of this latest adventure.
God will always be faithful…but you have to be intentional about placing your trust in Him.
I know I won’t get there overnight. Already, I have seen God act in ways that should have eliminated all doubt concerning Him. However, I am still here wondering, worrying and stressing about the next step in my journey. What do I do? How do I move forward? I once heard a pastor say that you start with what you have and let God grow your faith. God will always be faithful and as you learn that, you will likely find it easier to trust Him with more and more, but you have to be intentional about placing your trust in Him. If we don’t intentionally place our trust with God and focus on what God is doing, we have a tendency to miss it and think we did it. Right now, I still panic when God calls me. I eventually come to my senses, find hope and move forward anyway. As I walk the path He has put me on, I start to trust God more with each step. Maybe next time I will skip the panic and move straight to the hope. Hopefully, I will soon be able to reach a point where it isn’t about hope anymore, but instead about complete trust in my Heavenly Father. However, that isn’t the end goal. The end goal for me is to be like Isaiah.
Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?”” And I said, “Here am I. Send me!” Isaiah 6:8
After seeing the glory of God, Isaiah didn’t just wait for God to call him, He volunteered. That is the man I want to be. That is the example I want to set for my kids. A man with a zeal for serving Christ; a man that calls to God, “Here am I. Send me!”
